Escaping what the world says a "real" man is

For living in a so-called “male dominated society,” a claim that I don’t necessarily find true and certainly don’t agree with, we men sure do put quite a few intriguing restrictions upon ourselves.

A man is a son, a brother, a friend, a father, a husband, and a servant, among other things. A woman is a daughter, a sister, a friend, a mother, a wife, and a servant. Essentially, both men and women play similar roles during their lifetimes; despite obvious physiological differences, men and women must both be prepared to handle a great number of problems the world will throw at them. Contrary to popular opinion, I believe men and women alike are equally equipped to handle these problems.

That being said, let me state and explain my feelings. Men, although seen as being dominant in society, place restrictions upon themselves in keeping with the popular image and belief of what a man is “supposed” to be. According to today’s world, a real man is tough, rugged, entirely emotionally secure, independent, and rarely subservient to others without material compensation. If these values were upheld entirely, we men would be denying ourselves the very nature God intended for us. Humans are relational beings; take us apart from our friends and family, and we would be lost. We would feel little inspiration to be productive, would find few reasons to fight on, and would generally experience a confusing and painful existence. So why is it that men are often hesitant to open up to their friends, particularly other men? To tell them that they love them, thank them for their support, embrace them, share their fears and hopes and dreams? Take these verses from 1 Samuel: “1 After David had finished talking with Saul, Jonathan became one in spirit with David, and he loved him as himself. 3 And Jonathan made a covenant with David because he loved him as himself.” There is an example of two men whom genuinely love each other and are willing to do anything for the other. In Jonathan’s case, this meant defying his father for David’s safety and the sake of the covenant they had made with each other.

The world’s standards today keep us from being the men we should be. We often aren’t the fathers, brothers, sons, friends, husbands, and servants we should be because society’s image of men doesn’t match the Bible’s description. Men in the Bible were indeed tough, but they were also very caring and emotional. For the best proof, look no further than the greatest man to ever walk the Earth, Jesus himself. Jesus loved and served like no other; of course, being God on Earth, He made no mistakes and we humans are not deserving of such a standard. However, men (me included) could certainly use a good long look at the life and acts of Jesus. He lowered himself below the men around him, washing the feet of his disciples in an act of service. We think “why would He lower himself?” as if His actions are surprising. Simply, He gave us a standard to live by, and an example to follow. He helped those the world condemned, and loved those people who needed love most. He didn’t deny love for any reason, and gave His love to anyone who was willing to receive it.

If men would forget about what the world wants us to be and focus on what Jesus demonstrated for us, I believe we would experience a much more fulfilling life and drastically improve the world around us. Why should we feel pressured to conform to the world’s standards? Men don’t always need to be the fastest, the strongest, the best, the most independent, get the “hottest” girl, beat their friends in everything. It isn’t about the competition. Tell your friends you love them, regardless of whether they are male or female. Who cares what the world tells you? I was browsing a group on Facebook about Tim Tebow (yea, I’m a fan). One group was very negative saying he was a “faggot” due to his open displays of emotion. What is wrong with showing your emotions? There is absolutely nothing wrong with a man crying or making an emotional speech or sharing his feelings with his friends. We’re relational beings, and that is what we do, so there is no need to keep things bottled up just because society points and laughs. Ignore the laughter, and be who you truly are. Don’t be afraid to admit your weaknesses and love your friends and family just because the majority of society is too insecure to handle it.

Love your parents, love your friends, love your siblings, love your sons and daughters, love your spouse, love your fellow men and women. Love them as Jesus did; serve them, embrace them, cherish them, help them, be honest with them. Don’t be who the world says you should be, but strive to be who God wishes you to be. So don’t be afraid to show and tell your loved ones just how much you love them; you never know when they’ll be gone, and not sharing your feelings with them is a regret you don’t want to feel. Don’t be concerned with the strange looks the world may give you, but be secure in your relationships and share your love with those you love.

Of course, I am not saying that I am perfect. I just felt like getting my feelings out about this. Having a few really close friends, some on a spiritual level as well, I just have a lot of love to express, and sometimes get discouraged that the world often looks down on and laughs at love of all kinds. I'm trying to just ignore what society says and trying to figure out what God is saying, and learning slowly but surely how to follow Him and do His will. I hope this little essay is consistent with what God wants men to be. I dunno =) At any rate, I love all of my friends very much, and I'm always here for you, for anything at all =) You guys are always in my prayers!

Jared Miller

PS: Always leave your loved ones with well wishes, because it just may be the last time you’ll see them.

The greatest inspiration I've ever felt

Monday night, before coming to Auburn the next morning, I had an amazing night. Between hanging out with Michael and talking, reading about a hundred pages of Do Hard Things, and listening to Casting Crowns, I just felt incredibly inspired! I felt as though God Himself was there in the room with me, hugging me tightly and saying "I love you, and I'll always be with you." After that moment, I felt all of my fears and worries leave me and I felt the strength and will to change my life and be a better person. There is no other feeling like it in the world. I could describe it forever and still never quite capture it adequately in words! It was so exciting, and I was up for hours praying and praising, asking for forgiveness and feeling strengths I had never felt before.

Anyway, it was simply the most amazing feeling that I have ever felt, and I am really excited to follow the new ideas and strengths I was given Monday night!