Thursday, May 27, 2010

Broken heart/being on fire/Holy Spirit

I was reading in Francis Chan's "Crazy Love" tonight, and something I read convicted me and broke my heart in a whole new way I had never considered.

While we were in Ireland, our group adopted two sort of "theme" verses for the week. These were James 1:2-4, a passage we kept in mind to encourage the believers we met there and the people working so diligently in their churches and seeing so little fruit, and Revelation 3:15-16, which we reminded ourselves of often to keep ourselves from "settling in" and not fervently doing the work the Lord had laid out for us. I think we touched on both of these verses during orientation/training through OM, and they seemed fitting so we revisited them often throughout the week in devotion and prayer times.

Revelation 3:15-16 is a challenging verse, but I suppose I had never fully pondered the implications of that verse (which are not so much implied as obviously and bluntly stated). As Chan writes, "God says that the lukewarm will be spit out of his mouth, and that is drastically different than God embracing you and welcoming you into heaven. The lukewarm still need to be saved. How can we say a lukewarm Christian is saved?"

When I first read that, it was slightly convicting as I (selfishly) thought of what that meant for me, i.e. I am kind of lukewarm so I need to step it up and show some more zeal. End of story, right? Not so much...

Lying in bed a few hours later, what exactly that meant suddenly hit me. My friends and my family, many of whom are professing Christians and live the "good" Christian lifestyle (and certainly I can be placed into that category as well) may not be as saved as I or they think they are. And that totally broke my heart. This is an idea I had thought of in small part before, when reading through James and coming across James 2:14-17 (the "faith without works is dead" passage) as well as while reading through David Platt's new book "Radical". But never until I read that bit of Chan's book have I realized the gravity of that situation.

But then something great happened, and I daresay it is no coincidence given that we just started a study on the Holy Spirit. I felt this sort of overwhelming calm come over me, and I was instantly reminded that God saves people, not me. I was also greatly encouraged that even though I cannot myself save them (the lukewarm), I can "stimulate one another to love and good deeds" and help them to be on fire for the Lord (coincidental that you put that verse in the mass e-mail about 8th Street? Nah). After the calm and encouragement I felt this uncontrollable need to worship, so for the next twenty minutes or so I was singing, shouting, clapping, falling to my knees, and jumping around like a fool, probably waking up my entire apartment complex. I can't logically explain why my heart was broken and then immediately I felt at peace, but that's what it is and I can only say that God works in funny ways I can't fathom. I felt so many feelings all at once that it is impossible to describe, but I undoubtedly had a very real encounter with God that was so strong I felt as though I could reach out and physically touch Him, and that He was standing right beside me with a hand on my shoulder. Reassuring, to say the least.

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